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Recent The Legion of Doom Video Rating Other Lore Sites |
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SPY CAR ACCESSORIES Smokescreen Unless you're offroading in an Aston Martin SUV, smokescreens are pretty pointless. "Ahh! Smoke! Where did he go? Maybe right up ahead of us on the road? Seems like a safe bet." I guess you could use your smokescreen in a residential area with lots of intersections, or time it so that you drop the smoke a split second before the traditional Wheeling of the Watermelon Carts And Chicken Trucks Out Into The Street, but it seems like there are better things to spend your spy money on, like those metal testicles you can hang from your rear bumper. D Oil Slick This is somewhat less effective since Kremlin scientists invented anti-lock brakes in 1985, but it's still not bad. It makes things crash, and everybody likes crashes. You can light it and then things crash with lots of fire, which is also nice. Finally, if you release the oil, then trick the bad guys into chasing you down the same street after a light rain, it works again. The main problem is that every time you go back to have your oil cartridges refilled, Q tries to sell you a new air filter. B Caltrops Spikes! For you! In your tires! Caltrops are probably a more effective tactic than less direct measures, but they have a much lower chance of making a crash, explosion, or long bouncy cliff fall happen, so they don't get as much use as you'd expect. The evil spy villain enforcers just pull over to the side of the road and call the Archenemy Automobile Association. Not at all satisfying. C- Machine Guns The best part about machine guns is the popping out. They just pop right out of your hood or your tailfins or the giant dead termite on your roof like some sort of robotic meerkat. They make the Generic Mechanical Movie Whirr in the process. You want to wave and yell "Hi, machine guns!" Then they completely shoot you. There's really no down side. A Eject Button The eject button has been emasculated by comedy. It's really sad. Most of them may as well be labeled "Wacky Sidekicks Push Here For Laughs." The rest may as well be labeled "Caution: Do Not Press Unless You're A Gullible Bad Guy, In Which Case This Is An Altoids Dispenser." That's why, whenever I see an eject button that's actually used for legitimate ejecting, I send the director a package of Gummi Bears. C+ Wheel Blades These are pretty cool. I guess. I mean, they are blades and all, but they really only fuck up your opponent's paint job. There aren't really any vital parts on the side of a car at wheel level, except actual wheels, and that never works. Leave this one to the chariots. However, wheel blades are probably handy to tell you the distance to the curb, or more precisely to render the point moot. C
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