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Recent The Legion of Doom Video Rating Other Lore Sites |
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PHOBIAS, PART III Arachnophobia Spiders, we are told by Ranger Rick and his cartel, are actually wonderful little creatures that help everyone by eating bugs. To the arachnophobe, this is like being told that being completely drenched in human blood helps prevent sunburn. The balance of the fragile ecosphere is of secondary concern when you're convinced that spiders are eight-legged little demons who see a glowing vacancy sign outside every ear canal. This must be a reasonably common phobia, given that evil malevolent spider beings make their way into fantasy literature a lot more than, say, evil malevolent beings who wear denim. A Agoraphobia While a fear of crowds and public places must suck for the sufferer, an informal survey indicates that it's responsible for approximately 42% of weblogs, 64% of case mods, 85% of webcomics, and all Lego constructions involving more than one thousand bricks. So really, your ability to put off work by browsing the Web depends on the harnessed power of thousands of agoraphobes hooked up to their keyboards like hamsters in hamster wheels, only somewhat less likely to have their cheeks stuffed with sunflower seeds. B Triskaidekaphobia The fear of the number thirteen. This brings up a question I've had for a long time. Is anyone really fooled by high-rises that go directly from the 12th to the 14th floor? That seems like a transparent ruse, like an attempt to placate someone who's afraid of dogs by buying a pair of those novelty Christmas pet antlers for your rottie. What do you call the fear that someone, somewhere, doesn't think you know how to subtract? D Wiccaphobia This is the fear of witches and witchcraft. In the modern world, this has got to be triggered mostly by movies and TV shows, with a minor in pentacle-clad rubenesque women at SF cons. The whole Harry Potter merchandise gantlet must be a particular challenge; it must be tough to see your greatest fear for sale as bubble bath. I wonder what's more terrifying, "Sabrina," or "Sabrina: The Animated Series"? Frankly, that cat puppet freaks me out, but I can't find the word for "fear of puppetry that makes babies and the elderly cry." D- Zemmiphobia This is supposedly the fear of the great mole rat. I can't find any evidence that this affliction existed or had a name before the latter half of 1998, but now it appears to be a standard on Web lists of phobias. There are a couple potential explanations for this. The first is that someone is having a bit of fun with gullible phobia compiliers. The second is that an explosive and largely undocumented zemmiphobia epidemic has been racing through humanity, possibly passed on to humans by whatever it is that great mole rats eat. Occam's Razor tells us that Occam was boring, so I'm going with the epidemic theory. B-
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