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Recent The Legion of Doom Video Rating Other Lore Sites |
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CONSPIRACY THEORIES Kennedy Assassination Conspiracy theories about Kennedy's death are like Elvis's hips: they used to be considered scary and dangerous, but now they're just charmingly quaint. Ah, for the carefree days when the government could reasonably be accused of having nothing better to do than orchestrate a single illegal covert murder. Hey, why don't we see if we can get the CIA implicated in stealing a pie from Old Mrs. Croody's windowsill? C- Chemtrails Atmospherical irregularities? Try eugenics! The theory is that certain jet vapor trails are actually evidence of a vast plan to dump chemicals into the air in order to thin the weak from the population. Unless they're inoculating us against anthrax. Or, my personal favorite, they're altering our brains to make us more vulnerable to mind control by high-ranking government warlocks. If we're going to be secretly ruled by warlocks, I'd like them to be powerful enough not to have to rely on commercial aircraft to do their dirty work, but I'm willing to settle. C+ Faked Moon Landing Seriously, who cares? This is like proving that the Triangle Factory Fire was a hoax perpetrated by William Randolph Hearst. A couple hundred historians and National Geographic subscribers might clutch at their chests and call for Emma to bring the spirits of ammonia, but most people would shrug and go back to discussing Tom Cruise's latest public froth-fest. We haven't been to the moon in over thirty years, and we're clearly never going back until Richard Branson gets really, really bored, so let's move on, shall we? D Princess Di's Death This one's a gimme. The jet-setting former wife of a future figurehead? Clearly someone that powerful cannot be allowed to live. She had the ability to sell out issues of both Us and People. Her very appearance on television could lead billions of her mind-slaves to comment on her dress. Plus -- and this is the kicker -- she was active in many charities. I'm not one to give a free pass to laser-wielding Rosicrucian assassins. Ask anyone. But in this case they were only doing what needed to be done. B Manufactured Tsunami Just to prove that middle-class American white guys don't have a monopoly on unhinged fantasy lives, Al-Jazeera has been a vector for a number of theories about the 2004 Indonesian tsunami, the most interesting of which holds that the U.S. caused the tsunami with those gigantic underwater electromagnetic pulse generators we're always goofing around with. This is of course completely untrue. We used to be into unleashing massive oceanic disasters on the third world, but since about 2003 we've been into knitting. D+
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